In Pursuit of Peace

Peace.

Such a common word, and yet, it has such depth of meaning. We all seek it. Long for it. Some of us know it, and have a rich understanding of a life lived in it. But, many of us wish we knew what it felt like to be settled and sure of ourselves, especially in these tumultuous times. 

What do you do when you feel like your entire world was ripped off its axis?

I for one am still seeking that answer. It is the end of the year, and the decade is drawing to a close. That fact has left me incredibly introspective as I've pondered on the last ten years of my life. So much has happened...but so much has changed. Even in the last year, correction, the last six months; I've seen my whole world change into something new. Now, I know this needed to happen. I needed to break free from the old ways, but I hadn't ever imagined it could be this...well, painful. I always knew change was uncomfortable. I knew going into this that it wouldn't be easy. But I hadn't expected EVERYTHING to shift into something new, all at once. And here I am, in December of 2019, wondering what in the world is going to happen next. 

It is hard this time of year. Harder then I'd expected it to be. 

I've only wanted peace, that often elusive quarry that sometimes seems fictional. To feel at ease with life and its many changes, and even when the ground shakes beneath my feet, to have a confidence that goes beyond my comprehension. I know I need to trust God despite everything, and believe me, I do. I know that He has carried me this far, and that He won't let me go now. But still, I needed to come to terms with how I felt, and WHY I felt that way. Faith isn't meant to invalidate hurt, it should provide comfort, as well as a hope, even during the most difficult times.

Because things sure can be difficult, can't they?

And life can be incredibly messy. But I know I'm not the only one who feels that way. The more I've talked to my friends and my coworkers, I've realized that the way I feel is actually quite common. And you know what? That was actually very relieving to know that I wasn't the only one. That I'm not alone. And then, it hit me. If I feel that way, then how many other people are out there who feel the same? 

Even though we live in a world of social media and vast technology, it is often an isolating one. 

Isn't that ironic? It is hard to find peace in a world that is constantly in turmoil. How can one feel like they truly belong in this world when there is so much disarray? Even in all of my frustrations and my longings that the world was a better place, I have to remind myself that this world will indeed be broken until Christ returns, and all is made right. You know, this earth has always been full of chaos and tragedy. Sin is a corrosion, it eats away at life and brings pain into our hearts. But that is exactly why Jesus came to earth, isn't it? To right all wrongs, and mend the broken. 

He was only a baby when He first came to rescue us, but when he returns, He'll come as a conquering king. When I feel discouraged, I focus on that truth. Peace may not be something I feel on a daily basis, but I know that as long as God's hand is on my life, I will be okay. We all will be okay. Even in the pain, the discouragement, the betrayal, the loss, and the abandonment. It will be okay. God is still on the throne, and He isn't going anywhere.