It has been FAR too long since I posted, and in the flurry of life, I admittedly forgot that my last posting was months ago. My goodness, I know I'm going crazy! Though, in my defense (even though I honestly have little excuse) things have been ridiculously, insanely, busy. You'd think that a nearly-graduated college student with five years of undergrad studies under her belt would be accustomed to it by now. Well, you'd be wrong, but then again, so was I.
My semester began with a bang, but certainly with a bit more solemn a note. After all, a big chapter of my life is about to close, and honestly? That comes with so many different emotions. On one hand, it is very exciting, and the other, terrifying. Naturally, that's enough to make anyone stop and think about their future. (And hopefully, you'd already be doing that in my position). God has blessed me with a director's position in Liberty University's Center for Entrepreneurship, and my classes have been good, but challenging. Due to this schedule, life has been rushing forward at a breakneck pace, and I often have felt like I'm just along for the ride.
Have you ever felt like God is doing something big, but you yourself aren't even sure what that means? Or, it could very well be the opposite; have you felt like God is doing nothing in your life at all? Either way you feel, both are incredibly valid and need to be understood.
For me, its been a great degree of both. For the past month or so, I've felt very stuck, to a point of great frustration. After all, I'm about to graduate, and feeling stuck isn't a comforting thing when you feel like you're about to take off from a runway. Oh, speaking of runways, that leads to the next part. God gave me the incredible opportunity to attend CRU's internship preview weekend, and that meant I had to fly for the first time. Now, let me explain something here. I'm by no means afraid of heights, and have always been enamored by anything to do with wings. Well, that shouldn't surprise you, given the kind of novels I write. Anyway, it was through this experience that I not only learned I love flying as I always thought I would, but I learned a whole lot about myself, too. The weekend was truly amazing, and a gift from God. I met so many awesome people from all over the country, and got to know an organization that makes a real impact for Christ.
Then, I came back home, in a way confused, but also supercharged in my excitement. In the days that followed, I would have another incredibly awesome opportunity seemingly pop out of nowhere (as God likes to do), and then, it seemed as if everything was made clear. For about four years now, as some of you know well, I have felt God calling me to go to Germany. I'm not sure for how long, or what He even wants me to do over there, but I cannot deny that he has placed that country on my heart. I may, at long last, have a chance to travel overseas, and I truly am so excited to see if I can get this chance! Long story short, God used a crazy trip to show me that I had been discrediting myself, and it gave me the courage to see more of what I truly wanted, and where I want to go. God is my king even in the chaos, and despite the turmoil of the "what's next?" questions that scream in my mind, I know that He is guiding me through it. You see, God has this way of pulling us out of our comfort zones to show us who He is. And sometimes, who we are, too.
But courage isn't often easy, and honestly, I don't think it ever will be. There have been many times in my life when I haven't felt even a bit of courage, and the darkness seemed to be much stronger then God. Perhaps you're in a similar place now. Maybe you can't see the light in your life, if you think there is any at all. Does hopelessness knock at your door? It could be. We are often so good at hiding what's hurting our hearts, to the point that we have hidden that hurt from ourselves. Despite what you may think, God doesn't want you drowning in the darkness, and He hasn't abandoned you if you feel that way. Sometimes God speaks to us in very strange ways. Whether it was through a trip, a friend, a person you've never met, or even a sign; He doesn't ever stop talking to us. Our problem is that we need to be better listeners.
Regardless of where you are in life, know that you're not alone. It isn't hopeless, no matter the situation. Your life isn't pointless, even when your head screams at you and tells you that nothing matters, including yourself. God has the victory, the enemy is defeated, and courage isn't lost even when the heart feels too heavy to carry one more burden. Press onward, even in the darkest moment, and I promise you that when that first ray of light touches your skin, you'll realize that the fight was worth it, all along.
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